“I sort of have a fetish for barista guys. I don’t know why, but I think they look so cute in their hats while they make drinks. I always flirt with them and leave a tip. One time, I slipped a barista my number, and he texted me right away, asking if I wanted to hang out once the store closed. So I came back, and we totally fucked on the couch. I didn’t even get his name till after we were done having sex. Now he always gives me free drinks.”